When it all becomes real…

Today it’s May 21st, 2008. How easy it is to sit back and look at my life in retrospective… How different it is to go through while I still don’t know the outcome. And even though I know, I really know that at the end it all works out, while I am going through it, I never seem to be able to remember this pearl of wisdom.

For several years Clara and I have have debated, wondered, pondered and wished for clarity in terms of where we should settle down and establish ourselves. I have learned this is particularly difficult for a couple who does not share the same place of birth, and even more complicated when one of the partners practically has no country of origin what so ever.

To a certain extend, this question, of where I should live, or perhaps where I belong, has been running my mind for as long as I can remember. Soon after I left Venezuela at around age 14, perhaps because my parents lived in opposite extremes of the Americas, this notion of where I belonged, was quite omnipresent in my mind. I would guess most kids this age rarely get to even think or consider this. But for me this has been a running theme.

On February 25th 2008, it all became real for us. That day we closed our home in Los Angeles; that day the movers stripped naked out home, exposing the most intimate corners of what for over two years was ‘our place’; that place was the first place Clara and I could call home; it was the first place we co-created, fixed and decorated to become our first creation as a couple.

Nowadays we spend our days in Montevideo, in a rented home as we eagerly await for the arrival of our things, as we look ahead to manifest our green home in the piece of land we bought. During the past couple of months since we arrived, I have had my ups and downs. There are days where it all makes sense, and yet there are other where I wonder what is it that I am doing here… Due to those wonderful synchronicities of the universe, it seems that when ever I am down, Clara is up, and the other way around. Now, if this post should serve me in any way, I should be reminded that eventually it all works out just fine…

I am curious if I will ever will get to call this place, or any other place home. Perhaps I will only get this feeling of having a real sense of home, when I have kids, and when they grow in a place that they can themselves call home. Perhaps then, it will all make sense inside… or perhaps I will be an eternal citizen of the world, pulled in so many directions wishing to be here, and yet wanting to be there.

In any case, here we are with the clearest intention of making the best out of it. And, if anything else, I have a lot to be grateful about. In this coming and going, I have grown a profound appreciation of looking inward, and making this place, my place. I am grateful about being able to observe my life through the lens of my own camera. To be blessed with the possibility to document my life as it happens, and be able to pause, to observe, to pause again, and to eventually take in a deep breath, relax and move on in the knowing that it’s all good…